"Care of my late parent"

Firstly, may I please reiterate that I believe the staff at Kirrak House are fantastic and do a wonderful job.

Recently, a nurse at Kirrak House rang asking would I like to go down to see my mother as they thought she may have had a "turn".

I arrived about 20 minutes after the call as I had to wait on a friend to arrive and take me there.

Upon arriving I was told to put on full PPE as Mum had diarrhea and they didn't want me to get it.  I was told by a staff member that Mum hadn't eaten or drank for 3 days.

Mum had a narrow pillow under her head, was laid with the bed flat and she was struggling to breathe so I immediately raised the bedhead.

Mum's tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth and she wanted a drink. 

I was given some thickened water to swab her mouth with, Mum kept trying to suck on the swab; she was gasping for breath but signalling with her hands she wanted a drink, which I was unable to give.

What I'm feeling is quite naturally grief, I've lost my Mum, my best friend, my confidant. I wasn't informed that Mum was classified as being palliative care.

Each night I rang Mum she would tell me that she was still hungry and I'd request the staff to give her a sandwich or cake. Normally when Mum hadn't eaten/drank much, the staff would tell me and I'd encourage her to eat/drink.

Though I asked staff not to resuscitate Mum, I had stipulated that she was to be made comfortable, even stating if she needed oxygen it was to be given (approx 3 weeks prior).

I believe changes should be made regarding informing family members/advocate the person is now considered palliative.

I also believe that if the resident/patient is refusing nourishment the family/advocate must be informed. I feel that nourishment not be denied without informing the family/advocate and that oxygen be administered to relieve suffering.

In closing, may I especially give thanks to Paul who was so lovely, supportive and calming whilst I awaited a ride to collect me and Raj who wanted to know if my partner would want to see Mum (after she'd passed away).

I was distressed that the undertaker arrived before I'd left Kirrak House though.

Thank you so much for allowing me to tell my story.