"First time parents"

My wife experienced PROM early morning (due date) in which we went into hospital on advice of midwife on call.

Progression through the day / night at home went really well following the training we had received through the birthing classes. My wife decided against the routine prophylactic antibiotic administration. We were given clear instructions, sound advice and were well informed by midwife on evening shift that if things changed to attend hospital in which we were very willing to do.

Advice through the antenatal appointments was if she was experiencing contractions and a certain time and intensity to make way to hospital as labour had likely commenced and to enter near the physio entrance. This occurred and we made our way in. We were a little anxious about the journey ahead but felt a large amount of confidence in the maternity team.

Unfortunately, this is it where it turned for the worse. We phoned the midwife to let us in the door advised and after several minutes of waiting in the cold they did not arrive. We phoned again and told the midwife where we were, this was met with disdain and were told no one had ever gone to that entrance before to enter maternity. We found the tone off-putting as this is where we were advised to attend. We felt very unwelcome and that it was an inconvenient, unnecessary presentation to hospital. The demeanour and care were totally the opposite of what we had experienced to date.

We asked for pain relief and were given the gas with no instruction on its use or efficacy, we didn't know where to sit, stand or move and felt intimidated to do anything for fear of being met with angst. The midwife's presence was awkward and uncomfortable with no personal space or advocacy to follow birthing plans if possible. Needless to say, this did nothing to ease the anxiety of a first-time mother in labour. A painful and awful first VE exam was performed (2cm) and we were told labour had not commenced.

Despite some disappointment at the delay in progression there was some relief in the chance that delivery was not likely to happen during this shift. We understood the measurement and progression meaning and said we could go back home if we aren't welcome or its inconvenient on staff to be in hospital. I recall the midwife dismissively stated, well what are you going to do for pain relief? I mentioned the reasoning for coming in was because in our antenatal courses we were told if you're experiencing contractions in the manner in which my wife was (5 mins apart lasting 1min) then it was a good guide to attend hospital, the midwife stated well they are only 50seconds apart, inferring it was a nuisance being there and that's how we felt. It became evident that this seemingly poor demeanour, lack of compassion and poor care was a behaviour pattern and not a one off.

I asked if the midwife was the only person on duty, hoping someone else was available, I recall they seemingly insultingly replied that they are not the only nurse in the hospital. We were made to feel demonized and neglectful of our child for not having the initial infusion and waiting for labour to commence instead of induction. As the father and husband, I was certainly made to feel like I was a dominating roadblock denying care to my wife and expected newborn which was anything but the truth and simply horrible to feel as an impending first-time father.

The Doctor was called in what felt like an enforcement of care. We prayed they would stay on for the rest of the shift. We hoped and watched the clock in anticipation of the next shift, to not deliver until it was over and care closer to what we had previously received in antenatal appointments.

The next handover sounded like a poor very reflection of us and our values which was discouraging to say the least. We were fearful for more of the same judgment from the nursing group.