"Our child's admission and apparent parent blaming"

Our child was admitted to CAMHS Ward 5A, and instead of receiving trauma-informed care, we felt we were met with minimisation and parent blaming. Their distress was repeatedly reframed as a reflection of our parenting rather than acknowledged as the consequence of bullying and trauma. They were referred to CAMHS Ward 5A by their Adolescent Psychiatrist for 24/7 monitoring and rapid medication adjustments in a controlled environment due to a reaction from introduction of clonidine for anxiety and ADHD.

From the outset, I felt the meetings carried an undercurrent of blame, framing us as the primary concern. After our child’s first day of home release, a nurse aske them what’s going on at home that’s causing them to be like this?, a question I found deeply inappropriate and alarming. I felt it implied their distress stemmed from our home rather than the system meant to support them, wrongly shifting blame onto a family that was open, involved, and caring. We were dismissed as “overprotective,” and I felt I was even insinuated as being “neurotic” simply for advocating for their needs.

This was profoundly harmful. Our child quickly saw through the, as I understand it, superficiality of dyadic play, like when after being asked to play ping pong, questioned, “Why would I trust someone with my personal thoughts when I’ve only just started playing and having a good time?” Their insight exposed the apparent disconnect between the therapy offered and their lived reality. Instead of genuine support, the dialogue felt like interrogation, placing undue blame on us as parents while ignoring the broader context—their neurodivergence, sustained bullying, and the emotional toll on our family. What we needed was collaborative problem solving, not assumptions or scrutiny.

I now see how naïve I was to believe the system would truly listen, and that transparency would be met with care. I urge parents to be cautious about where they place their trust, because the lives and wellbeing of our children should never be taken lightly.

The impact of this has been devastating. It silences families, erodes trust, and leaves children without the trauma informed support they desperately need. Transparency was not met with care; instead, our attempts to advocate were reframed as pathology.

It was deeply troubling to see our child’s anxiety and depression dismissed and attributed to our emotions. As experienced parents of four, we have always shielded our children from adult conversations. To suggest our feelings were the cause of their distress was unfair. Our child is autistic, ADHD‑combined, and experiences tics. Their anxiety and depression are no less real or deserving of support. Had we been given space to share their full history, the trauma pattern would have been clear and they may have received the help they deserved.

At our very first meeting, the consultant psychiatrist questioned why our child had been so deeply affected by bullying, suggesting it was something that happens in any school and that they simply needed to be more resilient. Let me be clear, neurodivergent children are among the most resilient kids on earth, they endure challenges daily that others cannot see, and their strength should never be dismissed or underestimated.

Our child didn’t just face bullying, they endured repeated breaches of trust in places meant to protect them. To suggest their distress was disproportionate, ignores the impact of masking, trauma, and being misunderstood as a neurodivergent child. Autistic children are often judged by neurotypical standards of resilience, which risks gaslighting their lived experience. While bullies are rarely asked to adapt or justify themselves, it is the harmed child who is expected to regulate, recover, and carry the burden.

The enormity of being in such a place wasn’t at all apparent to them. What was apparent to them though, was that they felt accepted by "like minded" peers. The other kids didn’t treat them as ‘wrong, weird or stupid’.

Unfortunately, I believe our experience is not unique. Research published in Children Australia (Cambridge University Press) has shown that professionals often shift “excess responsibility” onto parents instead of acknowledging systemic factors. I believe families in CAMHS inpatient units have likewise reported being framed in blaming narratives rather than engaged collaboratively (Understanding Our Family, 2023). It seems to me that parent blaming is a systemic issue, not an isolated incident.

After lodging a serious complaint about what had happened on the ward, the treating team’s response was nothing short of insulting. Instead of addressing the gravity of the situation, they sent what I felt was a polished but superficial note thanking us for our “comprehensive email” and suggesting that parent blaming might be discussed in a staff education session. I feel this was a disgusting minimisation after such a big event, a hollow gesture that sought to smooth things over rather than confront the real harm that had been done.

When we finally received the discharge summary, it seemed it was filled with inaccuracies and contradictions, praising our parenting in one section while accusing us of emotional neglect in another. It dismissed the two ASRS (Autism Spectrum Rating Scale) Questionnaire results (Parent 99th Percentile Rank) and (Teacher 97th Percentile Rank), misrepresented professional involvement, and ignored written evidence we had submitted.

I formally rebutted these claims in a detailed email, highlighting speculative accusations, ethical concerns, and omissions in the consent process. Despite this, I never received a reply. This silence was profoundly telling. Families are expected to accept damaging documentation without question, and even when legitimate concerns are raised, they are ignored.

I share this review to call for systemic change. Families deserve care that is collaborative, respectful, and trauma-informed, not minimisation, deflection, or blame.