"Using VAD"

I watched as our son took VAD.

He had made his final decision and felt calm. He took the pre medications following the time schedule.

When he swallowed VAD mixture he immediately exclaimed that it was ‘burning’ and pointed from mouth down to stomach. (My husband ran to get some ice). He stated he should have taken the IV option and also that he so badly wanted to vomit.

I used all my skills to help him manage that overwhelming nausea. He indicated the ice helped a little bit.

It was a few, slow minutes before he slipped into unconsciousness.

It took 3hrs before he died.

I felt shocked at the ‘burning’ outburst. I felt it took too long to slip into unconsciousness and although no longer in distress, it felt an eternity waiting for him to die.

I recognise that his bowel issues would have impacted that process- but it doesnt help how we felt.

The true value of VAD lies in the comfort of knowing he had a ‘way out’ of his continued suffering.

However, I feel there is still room for improvement in the efficacy. Maybe a delayed release capsule that doesnt dissolve until well past the mouth, oesophagus and maybe even stomach?