"Traumatising birth and even more traumatising feedback process."

I arrived at the hospital  ~10am, after laboring at home for more than 24 hours, I was not seen by the doctor until 4pm. They now claim they were kept out of the room however I was on the floor begging for help, saying something was wrong for hours. 

When that doctor finally came into my room I felt they were callous and rude.

They performed multiple vaginal exams without consent (obtained consent for the 1st then performed several more without communication). several  exams were not even recorded in my notes but are remembered by myself and my private midwife.

When I declined  interventions such as fetal scalp electrode monitoring or going to theatre I felt the doctor became verbally abusive, said "when something goes wrong and your baby dies it will be your fault" (as I understand it, at no point was my baby ever in distress and was born with APGAR scores of 8 & 9).

When I asked to brought a form to acknowledge I was declining interventions, I recall the doctor became so angry a hospital midwife asked them to leave the room ( the doctor later denied this ever happened despite it being confirmed by myself, my husband, 2 hospital midwives and  private midwife who all witnessed). The doctor noted in my file that I would be brought the forms however this never happened. I was instead subjected to what felt like continued pressure and coercion to go to theatre. I eventually gave in to this and agreed to a vacuum assisted birth.

My  midwife mentioned that this would likely include an episiotomy. I made it clear, repeatedly that I did not want an episiotomy and would prefer to tear and only consented to an episiotomy in the instance that my baby was in distress.

The doctor then made several handwritten additions to my consent forms for theatre, including but not limited to an episiotomy.

The doctor, myself and my private midwife had a lengthy and detailed conversation about not wanting my baby's cord to be cut until I was ready to cut it myself.  I recall the doctor agreed.

The doctor then left while I was prepped for theatre.

My husband and I heard the theatre staff talking amongst themselves as we waited including questions like where is the doctor and I think they are in the break room.

When the doctor came they did not acknowledge me, asked for forceps not vacuum. I watched them immediately cut an episiotomy. I repeatedly called out that I could see and to stop. No-one acknowledged me, they continued. I felt like meat on the table, ignored by everyone while completely awake and aware.

Once my baby was born, theatre staff promptly cut my babies cord against my explicit wishes and without my consent. 

They doctor never spoke to me and left the room.

My baby had lacerations on their head and has scars still visible more than a year later. 

I submitted a feedback form in the weeks after the birth and requested a debrief.

I received a generic response. I found it insulting and degrading. A follow up claimed a full investigation was undertaken, however I believe the hospital never spoke to the midwives that were in the room or, they were not even made aware of my complaints. .

I spent the next 7 months repeatedly contacting the hospital requesting a meeting, and would often wait more than a month, or 6 weeks to even get a reply.

Eventually I was granted a meeting with several hospital personnel, however was told the doctor would not be present despite my repeated requests.

I was told (in writing) instead they had supplied a written statement and I would be given a copy.

At the beginning of the meeting I asked for this statement, and was promptly told that would not happen. I was offered  apologies and when I detailed the events of my birth and what was said to me, I believe all three participants were horrified and said it was unacceptable. I later requested once again to have a meeting with the doctor, as though I appreciated the symbolic apologies, no-one in the 1st meeting had anything to do with my birth. I also explained my extensive physical injuries that i wished to discuss with the doctor. 

Eventually I was offered a second meeting with the doctor.

During this meeting it the doctor did not look at my when I was speaking, instead scrolling on their phone the entire time. When they did "speak", I recall they yelled at me. I repeatedly asked them to stop yelling at me. I then looked to a different staff member in the room who shrugged and said well you wanted to meet with the doctor, seemingly as if I deserved to be verbally abused once again.

I was repeatedly called a liar. However it was the doctor's version of events that did not match their own notes in my file, which they all refused to look at or acknowledge when i produced them.

For two hours I recall I was yelled at, told by the doctor that all births are traumatic so what do you want from me, told my version of events was unreliable and inaccurate despite 2 midwives attending to back up every claim I made and it being the same version of events I told in the previous meeting where they had apologized when the doctor was not there.

The doctor told me I was fine after the birth so shouldn't be complaining. I had previously in person & in writing listed my extensive physical and emotional injuries including but not limited to:

pelvic floor avulsion, prolapse, extremely difficult healing of episiotomy scar that still caused daily pain 12 months later, difficulties with toileting, sexual dysfunction, PTSD, recurrent flashbacks, night terrors, panic attacks and more.

The meeting was abruptly ended when I spoke about waiting for the doctor in the OR and hearing the staff wonder where they were. All 3 hospital personnel immediately said this was not true (despite none of them being there that day) and said we needed to end the meeting. the doctor immediately walked out.

(there's much more but ive reached the word limit)