"Mother and Baby unit"

I was admitted to the MBU psychiatric ward for postpartum mums and baby’s a few weeks after birth. It was always a possibility. With my psychiatric history I was proactive about my psych care during pregnancy, and I had a tour of the MBU in advance etc. I had been hospitalised in a private setting before which was a positive experience, this was very different. 

When I arrived I opened up about my strained relationships, asked how can I improve, and gave them my psychiatric history that was already on file. As I said, I was high risk so I was proactive. I was told I wasn’t mentally ill, just experiencing DV. I was forced to see a social worker who told me that a woman recently was found not guilty in court after murdering her husband as a reaction to years of DV. I was asked to go to the courthouse, and when I considered over the weekend and asked to think it through a bit more, I was convinced again and taken anyway. I started putting in hours and hours of DV research, law, government policy because I was paranoid I was in danger, triggering a manic episode.

Being told I wasn’t mentally ill went against everything I had learnt to accept in the private setting, and had undergone significant therapy to be responsible for. That my illness is within my locus of control, and not by chance or caused by people around me. MBU didn’t have my meds in stock and wouldn’t allow me to bring in my own. They often missed doses and I had to remind them, or they didn’t provide meds at the prescribed times which is a basic duty of care. I was refused my prescribed medication on one occasion. That was particularly humiliating and frightening. I was polite and compliant at the time. In retrospect wish I was more vocal and advocated for myself better. I had sought advice on best contraceptive that wouldn’t aggravate my illness as a couple had triggered episodes before. No one would provide that advice. They just kept pushing me to start the pill. 

Worst of all Child protection were called to assess safety, which was a massive shock as staff consistently said they knew I was great with my baby, and my husband has always been a great father. Everything went well there thankfully, but the interviewing took half a day most days, over weeks. I lost so much time with my baby and of course my husband was discouraged from coming in - by me and staff - so I missed time with our child too.

I felt most nurses treated me poorly on the back of this and it seemed it was obvious I was taking up a place I shouldn’t have. I was given forms every few hours to take my husband from the emergency contact list until I was too tired and just signed it days later. I started waking with panic attacks not knowing which way was up and had to convince staff to let me sit outside for fresh air. In the end I was told there were only 16 beds in WA for postpartum psych care, that they needed to get through the “process”, offered tickbox support services, and discharged me. I followed up with services offered after thinking it was the right thing to do but my income was too high to use them.

I left the ward terrified about what was real and if I had just blown up my life. I came in vulnerable and left in a stress induced manic episode. I had my diagnosis reevaluated with my private long term psychiatrist, therapist and therapy group leader. It was all confirmed and they started treating me for the mania. I jumped through all the hoops this ward put in front of me, at the time doing what I thought was the right thing to do.

Apart from my private psychiatrist I now don’t trust psych providers. I don’t feel safe to talk with a therapist or use WA public system psych services. Thank god I am well off enough to afford private psychiatric crisis care if I need it, but even then I’m not as open when I’m struggling now. All in all the experience was traumatic. 

It’s been a year and only now able to reflect on the experience fully. I went in trying to get ahold of my illness, and get some support in how to be a better mother and wife when I’m sick. Perhaps ideas for couples and family therapy. What I left with was a separation and caring for a baby alone for most nights. Having to go back to work much earlier, facing losing my home and back to renting. Our whole family suffered. My journey to accept my mental illness went backwards, but happy to say I clawed my way back.

I hope this story helps others to consider private postpartum care if they can afford it, based on my experience, I will not engage with outpatient public services and not the MBU.