"Birth pool, communication and more"

My labour lasted just over three days, during which I had no more than two hours of sleep in total. By the end of it, I was physically and mentally exhausted. Due to how I was feeling, I was unable to walk around during labour and spent most of the time sitting.

At one point I was moved into the shower for pain relief. While I appreciated the intention, I wasn’t finding it helpful. I would have much preferred the option of being fully submerged in a birthing pool rather than standing under a shower. One of the main reasons was that I didn’t want my hair wet. A birthing pool would have allowed me to keep my hair dry while still benefiting from the pain relief that immersion in warm water can provide. Instead, the shower left my hair completely soaked, which made me cold and uncomfortable for the remainder of my labour and birth.

I requested an epidural; however, the midwife strongly encouraged me to try the gas first. Although I wasn’t comfortable with this, I agreed and used the gas for around 30 minutes before requesting the epidural again. I was then asked to get out of the shower because I was told I would be receiving it straight away. Unfortunately, I didn’t receive the epidural for another hour and a half. I completely understand that another woman arrived in active labour and required urgent care. My concern isn’t with the delay itself, but with the communication. Had I known there would be a wait, I would have preferred to remain in the shower rather than sit on the bed waiting, as I had no idea how long it would be before the epidural could be administered. Staying in the shower would have been much more comfortable than waiting on the bed in pain and uncertainty.

After the epidural was placed, some of the midwives came into my room discussing another mother who had recently given birth. I recall they described her as selfish for wanting to go outside for a cigarette instead of staying with her newborn. I found this conversation inappropriate. I was still actively in labour, and I didn’t feel it was professional or respectful for confidential information and personal opinions about another patient to be shared with me.

Because my hair had become soaked in the shower, my pillow remained wet throughout the birth. At one point, staff even questioned whether my epidural was leaking because the pillow was so wet. In reality, it was simply my wet hair. Lying on a wet pillow for such a long time made me feel cold and uncomfortable when I was already exhausted.

After my child was born, I was able to have immediate skin-to-skin contact, which I am grateful for. However, due to the length of my labour and severe exhaustion, I wasn’t in the best physical or mental state. Throughout this time, I understand no one suggested or facilitated skin-to-skin contact between my husband and our child. It wasn’t until the following afternoon that I realised he still hadn’t had that opportunity. My husband missed out on those precious first hours of bonding, and I believe partners should be actively encouraged and supported to have skin-to-skin contact whenever appropriate.

I also felt that my husband was often overlooked by staff. Simple acknowledgements such as saying good morning, checking in with him, or answering his questions rarely occurred. While I understand that I was the patient receiving medical care, he was also becoming a parent and was there supporting me throughout the entire experience. A little acknowledgement and inclusion would have made a significant difference.

With breastfeeding, I felt that support was limited. After the first day, it seemed that staff had largely concluded that I could only breastfeed using a nipple shield. The shield provided was too small for me, making feeding even more difficult. I also felt pressured to give large syringe feeds to my child, which resulted in my child vomiting multiple times while lying on their back. This was distressing to witness and made me question whether they were being overfed.

Overall, there are several improvements I believe could make the birthing experience more positive for future families:

* Offer water births as an option, with access to a birthing pool rather than only a shower.

* Provide somewhere suitable to use a birth sling during labour.

* Create a more calming, home-like birthing environment. While fairy lights are a nice touch, the rooms still feel very clinical in my opinion.

* Replace the recliner chairs provided for partners with small sofa beds. Partners play a vital role in supporting mothers during labour and recovery, and they also need adequate rest so they can help care for both mother and child.

* Improve communication with women during labour so expectations are clear, particularly when delays occur, allowing them to make informed decisions about how they would like to spend that waiting time.

* Ensure patient confidentiality is maintained by avoiding discussions about other patients in front of women who are in labour.

* Encourage and facilitate skin-to-skin contact for both parents whenever possible.

* Include partners more throughout the hospital stay by acknowledging them, answering their questions, and recognising their important role in caring for their child.

* Provide more individualised breastfeeding support before concluding that aids such as nipple shields are the only option.

While I appreciate the hard work that maternity staff do, particularly in a busy unit, I hope this feedback helps improve the experience for future families. Many of my concerns relate not to the medical care itself, but to communication, support, and ensuring that both parents feel respected, included, and cared for during such an important time.