"Dignity and privacy when you're already feeling helpless and vulnerable"

As a patient going through infusion therapy that causes disorientation, sometimes severe nausea, and other side effects while not being sure of a positive outcome, I was faced with the horrible possibility that I now had a STI from a long term partner. Not only was I facing the consequences of an STI resulting from someone else's actions, the infection risk from the STI, and the disruption of my treatment, I was suddenly facing additional and increasing pain and gastrointestinal problems.

Whether it's a result of medication or illness itself, serious (or moderate) diarrhoea is deeply unpleasant. I know it's probably even more disgusting for nurses and doctors to deal with than it is to experience and I am grateful for the care. However, one on call doctor, in the middle of the night, was so dehumanising and dismissive.

Their facial expressions, tone, and body language showed all the disgust and desire to have as little to do with me as I recall they heard minimal detail before saying they wouldn't want to change anything when my attending doctor could look at my case in the morning. It was the nurses who'd thought I needed a doctor's attention for my escalating symptoms that couldn't be explained by my infusion or the illnesses I was being treated by.

Then, after having to collect a stool sample, which is probably horrible for everyone involved, I had to call for someone to deal with the specimen and clean up. One nurse said they'd get the nurse from the next shift to deal with it. Hours later, the nurse picked up the specimen, without any words or acknowledgement I existed. They then left open the bathroom door, all curtains, and room door. No dignity granted. No privacy. Unable to get out of bed to do anything about it.

I am distressed for so many reasons:

 - my long term partner has breached trust and now I have an STI as an immunocompromised patient with a medical history of cancer and sepsis

- my infusion might be affected by the STI or the medication for the STI

- severe diarrhoea might be affecting the efficacy of medicines 

- needing carer support to stand, walk, or go to the bathroom

- worsening gastrointestinal symptoms and other side effects

- increasingly unable to feel control over bowels

... To be treated like this and to be left so exposed when already feeling horrible, feels like deep and unnecessary cruelty.

Please remember I'm a person and I'm not trying to make your day worse with my illness but I need your help. Please don't embarrass, shame, and devastate me.