"Mental health care"

After an attempted suicide and going to the hospital for treatment, I was held against my will. Despite the Mental Health Act (MHA) allowing this possible, I still believe my rights and freedoms were taken away. I no longer trust the healthcare system as a whole and would never voluntarily go to a doctor much less a hospital, because of the fear and the control of my own life which was taken could be done again.

I came in for treatment of my own decision and holding me longer than I wanted, or needed was detrimental and traumatic. My regret was already voiced, and my physical damage reversed. When my stay was continued after being refused to leave, I believe they were acting against my interests, and therefore cannot be trusted. My voice being unheard and my will violated. It didn't matter that I had bills, and rent and appointments to continue. I can't understand how removing a person from their daily life for observation is rehabilitative. It compounds issues.

After a panic attack and telling a nurse I felt imprisoned, their response was that I am not a prisoner, and when I asked if that meant I could leave anytime I wanted to, they replied with no. I asked them how that isn't the definition of imprisonment and they couldn't answer me.

The team of psychologists, therapists,(I don't even know what they are, it was that uninformative) spoke with a sympathetic tone and posture but it felt fake, detached, probably a professional defensive -but- open body language. To me, it made the word "care" look like some sick joke. That itself put me off the whole experience. I wasn't going to share my own private, personal details with strangers. And the scariest part was that these nameless people decided my freedom! When they get to go home at the end of the day.

My disappearance from home for nearly a week caused a family breakdown. I blame the services for making a bad situation even worse. I was horrified at being referred to a Mental Health Team as I wanted the whole incident behind me and the follow-up calls, felt like a repetition of those traumatic times. It made me realise that now there's a record of my personal life out there for any of the staff and "relevant" services to read, when I just wanted it forgotten. It felt like a breach of privacy since I didn't want these services and now feel that they're being forced on me.

It's been over a year since this has happened to me, and I can't even enter a hospital to visit sick friends. My partner had to hold my hand, as I turned pale to attend a pre-employment medical check. I wouldn't have gone if I had to go alone. I still dread the experience, have nightmares about it and cringe when similar situations are depicted on television. And I'm still dwelling on it. 

I'm not even looking for a response from the hospital. They have nothing to say to me that could make this better. I just want it said, that I improved my life bounds and bounds since this has happened and none of that I credit to this institution which the memory of tortures me more than the impulsive reason I went there in the first place.