"My treatment"

I recently had an appointment scheduled for mid-morning. The doctor called me in 1hr later to discuss my scheduled appointment. I explained to the doctor while walking to the room that I was walking slowly due to post-surgery, 72 hours before. I believe the doctor's reply was, so you're feeling sorry for yourself. I was taken back by this statement, to say the least. I did not respond to this because I was so angry and hurt. I feel there was no compassion at all from this doctor.  

Then, while in the room discussing why I was there, in my opinion, the doctor bluntly said they weren't going to cure it, there's too much of it. The reply from me was that I didn’t ask them to cure it, I asked for pain relief. To which the doctor then continued stating facts about the treatment very quickly; it was non-invasive, the machine won’t touch you, and you won’t glow in the dark and quite a few more comments. To be honest, I can’t remember the rest as they said it so quickly. 

I confirmed with them if I would be able to still work while having this treatment. They replied that I can, it’s not a big treatment it will only take 20 minutes and it's only 5 sessions. I really felt like I had been put on the shelf, I felt there was nothing that could be done. I am now palliative care and in my opinion, not worth their time.  

The doctor arranged a time for the tattoos to be done on the next day. I went to that appointment and found the specialist who did the tattoos to be fairly unsympathetic, in my opinion. They commented it was only a small tattoo and it shouldn’t hurt. They basically stab a sharp implement into me to mark points on the body for the scanner to line up for the radiation. Alcohol wipes were used to clean the site, only I jumped every time they applied a tattoo. In my opinion, a numbing agent to the location would be more appreciated. The person finally said sorry after 6 points were done, on the last one, on the pelvis which really hurt - I believe I even said the “F” word when it was done. 

By the time they had set me up, I was almost not wearing any clothes, there was no offer for a gown or anything. I felt very violated and vulnerable, to say the least. While I was at SCGH, another hospital's Dr called to discuss the results from the procedure I had done a few days earlier. I was told over the phone that there was cancer in the tubes and ovaries, so it had spread. My gut feeling that the chemo drugs were not doing their job anymore was confirmed, especially as cancer markers were going up and the increasing pain in the sacrum.  

I then had to speak to a Nurse, who said there were so many different things that I could expect from the treatment, compared to what the first doctor had said to me in the room the day before. The nurse did mention that everyone is different and may not have all the issues. I was not sure what to believe at this point and as it was late afternoon, most staff had gone home for the day, therefore no one would be free to discuss anything till the following week, 3 days later.