"My first failure as a parent"

This review comes a few months following the birth of my first child. It has taken me this long to gather my notes and write out my experience.

I was transferred to Bunbury hospital following premature leaking of my amniotic fluid at 37 weeks (to the day).

On arrival, it was explained to me the risk of infection with leaking waters, and that the safest course of action was to be induced. I was told calmly that induction would be a safe, synthetic version of the natural body hormone oxytocin, and that it would bring on labour. Although an induction was not something I had considered, I was both anxious and excited to be having my baby soon. As we had not prepared for a trip to Bunbury, my partner managed to get a hotel room for the evening to prepare to become a father the next day.

I was told that as a result of my waters leaking for more than 24 hours, I should be on antibiotics prior to baby’s birth to protect the baby against infection. I was reluctant to start antibiotics as a precautionary measure, as I had heard that antibiotics in utero had poor immune outcomes for children over their life. I was assured that by me taking antibiotics it meant the baby wouldn’t need to be on antibiotics when they were born. I believe this was not true. They didn’t tell me what the antibiotics, pre-birth, was for (in my opinion, failure as a mother, I did not ask).

Following my induction in the morning, I found it strange that I had to be the one suggesting breaking my waters. Midwife Charlene was a consistent and comforting presence throughout the day. She gave us the appropriate space to enact what was left of my birthing plan.

Unfortunately, we had significant issues throughout the day with the Bluetooth bellyband monitor for foetal heart rate. The monitor would only pick up a signal and the baby’s heart rate if I was stationary on the bed, despite being told that it would allow me to move about the room. I agreed to allow 15 minutes of stationary monitoring every hour to gauge a trend for baby's heart rate. Although the heart rate showed appropriate rises and falls during this 15 minutes and no foetal distress, it was deemed by the “Dr 1” to be insufficient monitoring and again stated that the drugs being used to induce birth were incredibly dangerous. I felt like this wasn’t adequately explained prior to my induction, and was used several times throughout our discussions about monitoring to, in my opinion, incite fear in me.

Both Dr 2. and Dr. 1 wanted to place a scalp clip on my baby. Due to my waters leaking and the risk of infection as a result, I was incredibly hesitant to break the skin on my as yet unborn baby’s scalp. I expressed this concern to all doctors and midwives who over the course of my labour, continued to try and persuade me to have a scalp clip placed in situ. The most aggressive of this “convincing” came from Dr 1 when I asked for 5 minutes to finish a contraction and have a break before continuing the conversation. Dr 1 responded quite curtly in my opinion, with they've already waited long enough. At this point, feeling exhausted and bullied, I burst into tears. Dr 1 left the room. The next midwife to return to the room said Dr 1 felt bad about making me cry. Happily, I didn’t see them for the remaining duration of my stay in the hospital.  

Dr 2 came in and again reiterated that they really felt a scalp clip was necessary to monitor the baby. I was due for an internal examination and it would be a good time to insert the scalp clip. Again, feeling defeated, I agreed to the scalp clip. During the internal examination, Dr 2 attempted to attach a scalp clip but was unsuccessful.

Unfortunately, my labour did not progress as quickly as my personal health (and certainly my energy) declined. Of all parts of my birth journey, the unplanned caesarean, whilst disappointing, was the best part of the care I received from Bunbury. I felt in control of the decision. I welcomed it. And the surgery itself was quick, painless and my recovery was ‘considerably’ very good. Some things are even better as a result of the surgery (I magically don’t pee as much as I used to. so thanks for that). I later heard that perhaps my baby’s head had been in the wrong spot, meaning that labour wouldn’t have progressed even if I did have the energy to continue. I found this comforting.

Following my Caesarean in the early hours of the morning, my birth partners went to sleep in their cars, and the father of my baby returned to my room to be with us. A couple of hours later, he was told he would have to leave and could not stay with me – despite me not being able to walk or pick up our child. He also went to sleep in his car (as we honestly hadn’t planned for a caesarean, and didn’t anticipate the early morning birth).

I was told that my baby had higher than usual white blood cells and Reactive Protein, indicating a possible infection. I queried how, since I believe I had taken the antibiotics to prevent such things. I was told my pre-birth antibiotics were only to protect against Strep B. Which I had tested negative for a mere week beforehand and had been told multiple times that my negative result meant I wouldn’t need the antibiotics for Strep B. This made me all the more hesitant to give my baby a dose of antibiotics, as they had just had a dose before they were born.

The cut off for the reactive protein was less than 5. And my baby tested at a 5. I feel like it was fairly understandable that I wanted a retest done after some time had passed, given the incredibly close score.

Instead, it seemed I was pushed into early treatment (insertion of the cannula) because the on-call paediatrician, I believe didn’t want to come back later – citing wanting to be with their family. Whilst sympathetic, don’t you get paid to be on call? Isn’t that something you opt into? Why only one paediatrician on call for a major birthing hospital? I would strongly recommend on-call doctors starting their shifts on a weekend, rather finishing them over the weekend. I definitely felt that my treatment was an inconvenience – and I was not worth their time. I felt I was also threatened with, they don’t need my permission to treat my baby. Having worked in child protection, I took this to be a threat of enacting emergency treatment under the Children Services Act in the immediate treatment of my child.

Whilst I may be fully capable of understanding my legal rights, it was a Friday, and I was (and am) aware that if a child is taken into care on a Friday afternoon, there is very little recourse for the parents until Monday. I was a new mother, and at that moment, I became terrified of the hospital and the paediatricians. More so than any other element of my horrible time at Bunbury regional, this comment has created a huge distrust and significant anxiety for me. In the case notes for that interaction, it said they offered ‘support and reassurance.’ I can assure you, that I felt neither supported nor reassured by my paediatrician. I felt threatened, belittled, and disregarded.

At one point, a midwife I had never met before (who was treating the woman next to me) popped their head around the corner of the curtain to chime in with our conversation with the Paediatrician. I felt they were aggressive in their manner, and said that the doctor was only looking out for what was best for our baby (with what felt like heavy implications that we weren’t). We were both stunned at being (semi yelled at) by this stranger that we didn’t say anything, but I might have started to cry a little. Later on, prior to their shift ending, the midwife did come back and apologise to the way they spoke to us. Whilst I thought their behaviour was unacceptable, I do admire their courage in apologising. I don’t think it was easy for them to do.

I asked to be transferred to another hospital for the duration of my recovery. This was something I had wanted all along. Very upset, (and frankly, scared) I called my regular doctor, who informed me they were happy to be my treating doctor over the weekend and to get the paediatrician to call them. When the paediatrician returned I handed them my doctors number and asked if they could call my doctor to discuss their concerns regarding the proposed treatment for my newborn. The Paediatrician would not take my doctor's number and said they were too busy to make the call and that my doctor would need to contact them. They then said that if I pursued going to this other hospital, and my baby became unwell, they might admit my baby but not have a bed for me to stay in the hospital. Feeling defeated, I gave up. In hindsight, I wish I had pursued this further, however, I was already very scared that they were going to take my baby out of my care.

Following the second test of my child’s blood, it did show that the reactive protein and white blood cells were increasing, so antibiotics were started.

When my baby was being taken to get put on antibiotics, they asked if they could also put them on fluids. I said, sure, I suppose there’s no harm in fluids. I believe this was another failure I had as a mother. I didn’t ask for clarification; what are ‘fluids'? 'What are the pros and cons of fluids?'. I believe the permission was only done verbally too. I always read everything I sign. Always.

My partner went with the doctors to get the cannula put in our baby. We had always discussed that if the baby needs to go somewhere, one of us would always be with them. This was a part of my birthing plan I thought would be fairly likely to happen.  

My partner returned to me about an hour later, as I was still bedridden with a catheter, with tears in his eyes. He told me that he was so sorry. I also started to cry as he told me that my baby would not be returned to the room. Neither of us had understood or realised that having a cannula, and being on the antibiotics/fluids meant that they needed to be closely monitored in a humidicrib in the Special Nursery. As a result, I had not said any form of goodbye to my baby. I didn’t give them a 'last feed'. I had no chance to prepare myself for my baby being taken off me. I was just a mother without her baby. At no point did anyone explain the Special Nursery to us. No one said we wouldn’t be able to take them for walks or that for that night and the next morning, I wouldn’t be able to hold my baby - less than 24 hours old.

Unfortunately, my baby and I paid for my negligence in not asking clarification for fluids, for giving uninformed consent. A result of my baby being on fluids meant that some midwives didn’t feel the need to get me to breastfeed. Some were amazing and very supportive. They would wake me day or night to come and feed. This is what I had asked for – and I was always very appreciative. Others would say as I entered (because I felt a deep need to be near my baby) that it was good that I had come in because they had just finished settling them or they had been upset for some time.

As a result of my negligence, and uninformed consent to fluids, my baby had to have their blood sugars tested regularly. As a result of this, my baby had purple bruised feet. It was difficult to get their feet to bleed as they had been ‘pricked’ so many times over the two days and three nights they spent in the Special Nursery. It also delays us being able to take them home, as once their course of antibiotics had finished they then had to be slowly weaned off the fluids because a quick drop in sugar levels could be very bad for my baby. I wish this had been explained to me before I agreed to fluids.

My first visit to the Nursery I sat outside my baby’s humidicrib and mourned not being able to hold my baby. A midwife (who I later liked) kept telling me to go and rest. Whilst this might have come from a good place, it was incredibly upsetting at the time and I felt unwelcome in the room with my baby.

My baby finished the antibiotics on the weekend, however, I had to wait until the Monday for them to ween off the fluids, and for the new paediatrician to come on duty. The cultures came back negative for infection. The paediatrician so quickly approved our transfer that it did make me wonder if my first paediatrician was just being obstinate.

I do want to note that we had many midwives that were very compassionate, caring, knowledgeable and friendly. Charlene and Rosita made big positive impressions in an otherwise traumatic time for me. I also had a positive experience with Josie, Trish, Jerome, both Bec's, Katherine and Zoe (Zoe gave some realistic timelines for me that I found comforting).

As a parting gift from Bunbury hospital, my transfer papers had the wrong blood type for me.

For several months after my experience, I would cry in my doctor’s office recounting the events. My doctor is an incredibly sensitive and compassionate Doctor. I grieve that I was not able to have them for more of my birth plan.

I have no intention to return to Bunbury (or any hospital) for any reason in the future. I never suffered from depression or anxiety prior to having a baby – but I do consider my birth experience to be ‘traumatic’ as a result of my trip to Bunbury hospital. It is not a happy story – and I thoroughly resent the staff who (albeit, on a busy weekend) took their frustrations of I believe, understaffing and overcrowding on me and my family.