"Bad experience"

Recently, while I was a resident at Logan house everyone was informed that all leave was cancelled, including shop runs, and there was a total blanket band over all the residents at Logan house leaving or having visits due to the new QLD Covid restrictions. The only people allowed in or out were the staff and they had to wear masks at all times due to the Covid lockdown.

One resident was seen by myself and others leaving the premises shortly after this. I had a meeting with my TF in which I brought up to them that this person was seen leaving the premises and it raised concerns with the Covid restrictions. My TF informed me that leave was granted to this resident. I spoke with my TF around granting a privilege to one person when the same privilege has been denied to all other residents. In my opinion, it not only potentially exposes us all to Covid for the entire Logan house community upon their return, but also Logan house is setting that person up as a potential target for resentment from the entire community.

I believe it is unfair not only for those affected by the ban, but also is unfair that one person was granted permission. It should be stated here when I spoke with my TF about this, I did not raise my voice and feel my words were delivered in a non-threatening manner. My TF's reply to me was that my words were considered threatening behaviour. Later that same day I, along with other residents saw the resident granted leave return with cartons of soft drink and groceries for their villa and without wearing the required mask. 

 After my first meeting with my TF (above stated) a nurse came to Logan house to do blood tests. Years of drug use made me very anxious about having a blood test as I had not been exposed to a needle in over 4 weeks.

My drug of choice was ICE and I would shoot up daily for years. This caused the veins in my arms to collapse and made them very hard to find. As a result, I had been shooting up in my groin for a very long time. The nurse made 3 attempts to take my blood, one in the crook of each arm and one in the back of my left arm, all attempts were unsuccessful. The nurse then asked me if I thought that I might be able to find the vein myself stating that in long term drug users they sometimes had to ask the patient if they might be able to do it themselves as the user had a practised hand with putting the needle into their own vein.

This took me by surprise especially as Logan household group session on triggers and avoiding these where possible. I spoke with the nurse about this and they said sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures, they then handed me and needle and I went straight to my groin knowing that's where I had always been successful.

I never missed that spot and this time was no different. I found the vein straight away and withdrew my own blood test. While I was taking my own blood, the nurse watched me. They stated that they were amazed that I could find it there and impressed at my composure in doing it myself.

While I was taking my own blood another nurse who was employed by Logan house walked into the room and saw me with the needle taking my own blood. They said I'm not seeing this, placing their hand up over their face. They seemed to make no attempt to stop what was happening.

Although I was composed while drawing my blood I was triggered beyond belief by this process and went straight to my villa and cried in my room. The residents sharing my villa saw my distress and I spoke with them about what had happened. I believe they all were in disbelief that this had been allowed and that the nurse had asked me to do it myself

I was booked in to see the Psychologist, (who attends to Logan House residents on the same day every week) this same day in the afternoon. I spoke with them about what happened with the blood test and my feelings around all that had gone on in the nurses room that day. They Psychologist stated I should never have been put in that position and no one should ever be taking their own blood. They spoke with me and said they would follow it up. As I am no longer a resident at Logan house I will never know if they did follow it up or what happened as I was removed that day.

 On this day also there had been conducted a routine villa search to check our rooms (this is not unusual). My room was extensively searched and no contraband had been found as I had none to hide. I had been smoke-tested and breath-tested for alcohol both coming up negative. I was following the rules in Logan house. I worked in the kitchen for two and half hours every day and joined in extra classes to use my time wisely while I had the opportunity given to me. I was beginning to learn the steps to take to make my recovery successful.

My TF called me into a meeting after my Psychologist appointment where I was told that my entire conversation with my TF had been brought up to the team and my behaviour considered threatening and was grounds for instant dismissal. I was in disbelief as they told me to pack my bags and leave. I spoke with both my TF and their manager about what had happened with the nurse and the blood test. I felt they just looked at me with blank faces and never said a word around this. I was not asked about my feelings on being asked to take my own blood or how that had affected me. I believe they did not care but brushed this aside and told me I had to leave.

In my opinion, I had lost my voice for speaking up on behalf of the community and those it did affect by losing their leave and/or visits. I also spoke up on behalf of the person who was granted leave to visit loved ones and shop, as others in the community were quite angry about it (and, I think, rightly so) considering all leave and shopping was cancelled. I was not affected personally by this, I had no cancelled leave, no one was booked in to visit me and I was not listed for the shop run, however, I feel I witnessed an injustice and I spoke up about it. I believe I did not speak out of turn.

My TF is an authority figure in Logan House and I think we as residents should be allowed to have a voice and we should be allowed to speak up about injustices we have witnessed. I was not given an opportunity to explain this however, I was simply told my words were threatening and I had to leave that day.

I believe Logan House was wrong in both allowing leave to one person when all others had been denied. I feel Logan house was wrong in removing me from their program and I feel like I have been removed so their shortcomings with what I think is favouritism and asking me to take my own blood will be hidden from their program.

In conclusion, this was a very stressful and traumatic day for me. I am now facing my recovery alone. I feel it is to my own credit that I have not picked up the drug again and although my stay at Logan house was only two weeks in duration I will be a success without their help and support.