"Life or death"

Last year, I was having personal issues and felt like a failure and tried to take my life. 

The ambos were called and the police came as well as it was a suicide attempt. What have l done, I've hit the bottom. 35 yrs of drinking, drugs and being out of control, what a waste of life...

So as l woke in the hospital with my partner, there was a counsellor lady there to interview me. So the counsellor lady, my partner and myself have a very in-depth conversation, no lies honest truth. l need serious help right now. She refers me to ADIS (drug and alcohol people) plus she gives me a few others, so l start to research LLW (Lives Lived Well). I rang them l explained what happened with great shame hanging over my head. She takes my name number etc and says we'll get back to you.

So l go and see my gp tell them what I've done. I believe they were horrified, we chat for a little bit, not much progress here, get tablets, typing away on their computer. That's when l really realised l need more than just a gp.

Off to work l go the next day, yes the next day. l'm so lost and ashamed, l work on-site doing intense work and dangerous so a clear head is needed. My mate comes up to me to tell me something,l cut them short and tell them what l did. This was the first step to me making a choice, live or die...

My phones ringing and l'm busy as. The lady said  it's Jussi from Lives Lived Well. About 30 mins later I feel lifted. This lady was amazing the way she spoke and understood, there was no judgment whatsoever.

Home l go l sat down and talked to my partner about this LLW, well what are you going to do they asked me. I have to change or I'll lose everything.

The next day l rang LLW trying to organise a  meeting. I work and can't take time off so they said they have a Monday night session - sweet book me in.

Working away again the phone rings and it's an agency from Springwood who also deal in drug and alcohol. Can't remember their name. We start talking for a while, once again beautiful people, l get a referral to see a doctor, the top doctor for drug and alcohol abuse. After an hour-long session l get a prescription to help me stop drinking actually two prescriptions,I think this doctor is amazing.

It's Monday night 6 pm. I log in to the group meeting and there she is, Juszinta, wow l felt a great relief. The meeting goes for an hour. l listened for the first half-hour to other people talking then l opened my mouth.

To this day, every Monday night lives lived well is my second family. They always will be. If it wasn't for Juszinta and her team, l'm pretty sure l wouldn't be here. Oh and l'm 7 mths sober. 

I love them all - Lives Lived Well, my family and especially myself - you will always have a place in our hearts, especially mine. 

I love you all.