"Emergency Department experience - Mental health"

Firstly, I will preface the comments that follow by saying that I have had my two babies delivered in this hospital and have been to the Emergency Department on multiple occasions before and have had nothing but positive experiences at this hospital. 

However, my recent experience at the ED has left me feeling unheard and ashamed. For the sake of context, I have experienced depression for my entire adult life, and most probably during my teenage years as well. As part of my ongoing treatment and in trying to manage my depression, my GP recently had me transition to another medication. I was transitioning as advised over the weekend and knew that I was experiencing adverse/ withdrawal effects, which I know is always a possibility. I had never before experienced these types of adverse effects from changing medications.

I was feeling dizzy, short-tempered, tearful and scared. On the morning I went to the ED, I had gotten angry at something silly one of the cats had done and then I started crying, hyperventilating and I couldn't stop. I guess it was a panic attack (I dont know, Ive never had that happen before). I was scared, felt out of control of my emotions - sitting at rock bottom ...... I was trying to get my kids ready for school, but that wasnt exactly happening. They could see their mum sitting on the floor bawling, hyperventilating and trying to call family on the phone to come to help. They were crying and scared as well. My partner works away so it was just me and the kids that week. My relative came to care for the kids and my child wanted me to call an ambulance as they didnt want me driving myself. Long-winded I know, but when caring or trying to help people who are struggling with their mental health, having knowledge of their experiences/context is important. I think that this is the part of my experience at the hospital that hurt the most. 

The paramedics and nurses were amazing - the paramedic got me a blanket and then came to see me and "hoped I felt better soon" before he left. I guess I would have explained what had been happening over the last few days to a number of people by them (paramedic/nurses) so perhaps this was conveyed to the doctor before they came to see me - they certainly never asked any of those questions themselves. I dont know how long I was in the room for, but I was on the couch sobbing and scared.

When the doctor came into the room, they introduced himself (but I dont recall their name). They then proceeded to ask me a series of questions, or rather, made a number of statements that I felt were cold and in no way helpful to me in that moment. It became apparent that they had seemingly already decided what was wrong with me and I felt they certainly werent interested in trying to help me to understand what I was experiencing or why. These are the questions/statements they asked:

> What strategies do you employ to manage your emotions? 

(How is this question helpful to me in that moment? Im sorry but I am experiencing something that scares the **** out of me/ I guess Im withdrawing from a medication and have been having symptoms that scare me, and I am not responding as I normally would - you didnt ask or try and help me understand any of this).

You then asked - Do you think everything is fixed with a tablet?

I'm sorry but what? how it that anything but judgmental - how does that help me, except make me feel like **** for taking medication for the treatment of something I have struggled with for decades! 

I believe the doctor had clearly made up their mind about me and was asking me questions/making statements that did nothing but make me feel worse about myself. Id never felt this low and they were pushing me further down.  

They then proceeded to advise me that the only treatment effective for emotional disorders is a form of behavioural therapy and that it would be an ongoing process, not a one-off deal. I asked if it was available here? They said not at the hospital. I asked where? In the community, they said, that was it.

The doctor then asked if I had ever been diagnosed with "Borderline Personality Disorder" and suggested that I may have been misdiagnosed with depression instead. If they'd bothered to ask they'd know that I see my GP fairly frequently and we are working through strategies to help me with my mental health.      

At some point I got angry and shouted "why are they speaking to me like this/why are they treating me this way". The doctor threatened to have me removed from the hospital - I wasnt violent or physical - I was scared and frustrated with what I felt was their arrogance. Other people came into the room at this point and told me to just answer the doctor's questions. They didnt make any attempt to help me understand what I was experiencing, or offer any strategies for coping.  

After the doctor left the room, I asked the nurses that they not come back into the room. They later conveyed instructions from the doctor, which was to transition more slowly onto the new medication. I was given valium, some of my old medication and sent on my way.

This doctor displayed no compassion and seemingly no interest in my mental welfare - I felt judgement and condescension. I have never before been made to feel ashamed of struggling with my mental health - but I sure did after that experience.

Im lucky that I had support to come home to, and my GP has been there for me as well, but im still struggling with what to do with this experience. 

I dont want anyone to be made to feel ashamed of their mental health struggles as I did that day.