"Mental health services and supportive care"

My spouse was P1 transferred to FSH ED via SJA after a very serious suicide attempt. One of my children opened their email sent to all immediate family which stated their intent to end their life. We arrived at FSH ED and were promptly led into a family room to await news of my spouse’s clinical condition. This process and explanations as to what had happened and the plan of care moving forward was clear and we were given a chance to ask questions. Myself and my 2 children were told what to expect and then led into the resus bay and again the nurse explained what the equipment was for and what was happening next and gave us a chance to answer some questions. We were all stunned, shocked and it was a very surreal and vulnerable situation to be in but my family needed me to be strong, supportive and show optimism.

There are only 5 of us in Australia so it’s a lot to take on your shoulders alone. We talked and spoke to my spouse and let them know we were there. My spouse was intubated and sedated at the time and my 2 children were getting distressed so we decided to leave as they were being transferred to ICU. I just remember feeling so lost, alone and in a fog and seeing my children in tears not knowing what to say to reassure and alleviate the distress. I am pretty stoic and tend to go into autopilot in those situations but I cannot remember any nurses offering any further support or pastoral care, just to listen or just to acknowledge that this was next level distressing. The nurses carried on discussing care between themselves and providing clinical care to my spouse which was the most important thing we as a family were left to wander off shell shocked.

The next few days were horrific, trying to organise work and my spouse’s work plus provide support and explanations to my children and their partners. I had no idea what to say, no explanations and felt so alone. Most of the ICU were lovely and kind, patient and supportive. The ones who stood out know who they are as I have given my praise and thanks directly to the ICU manager. Again in my opinion the nursing care was as to be expected, excellent and comprehensive however except for a few nursing staff the lack of support for my family was heartbreaking.

It felt like my spouse just simply had an ACL repair or an appendectomy not that they had tried to take their own life and the impact this had at the time which is still ongoing. I asked to see the social worker which I saw once and just cried for most of the time as it was a chance to just stop and release and the stress and need to remain strong for everyone as my children are only young adults but the social worker never followed up again and my spouse was there 6 days.

Some mentioned getting some food or having a walk but the superficial human interaction and lack of connection or empathy was overwhelming. I felt like I couldn’t breakdown or be a mess, that this situation was superficial and just to carry on. It didn’t feel like a safe place to do that in without judgement. I spoke to my spouse’s treating team once at my request which clarified some things and then I was able to process the events and the way forward better but that was the only time I saw them. It felt like in my opinion that my children and I didn’t matter that our lives which had been ripped apart didn’t matter. I asked to speak to the psychiatrists and mental health team but again felt it was very much a you don’t need to know it’s about your spouse and in the end I finished up saying that my spouse is not leaving FSH without a mental health admission as my family and I were petrified about their mental health and the suicide attempt and the fact very few staff had actually mentioned it or even tried to discuss it and the way forward.

Again after my spouse was medically cleared waiting a MH bed I had to ask again to speak to the dr as my spouse couldn’t relay the information properly due to their impaired cognitive ability at the time as I had no clear plan or idea about their assessment of them and a clear plan. My spouse then spent 4 weeks in a MH facility.

We were not offered any counseling/family support/ crisis advice or support in anyway. My children have private psychologists due to other issues so they accessed and ramped up these services but no one actually asked if we had any MH support outside in place. My family and I to be of a better word are traumatized, my children and I are in some kind of limbo 4 months later.

My spouse has received support counselling etc which is wonderful and they are working on their MH and their future. My children and I are floundering, scraping through our lives the best we can still in shock, still not understanding, still not being able to process the events. I had to return to work as my spouse’s pay ended as they couldn’t work and I got the ground running and have kept running ever since. Bills to pay, house to run, life goes on never mind the psychological therapy to pay for for my children and my spouse alas with funds tight I have gone without. No follow up from FSH, no supportive services unless it was the ones I found out by chance that we could access which are few and far between. We continue to exist alone and struggling still.