"Unprofessional staff"

Recently we visited our parent who is on Ward 74 with a brain tumour. Every time we visit we ask to speak to their nurse to see how they have been going, and what treatment and medication they have needed that day.

We went to the nurses desk in the afternoon and am still speechless at the response from the Clinical Nurse I saw. I was told that I was not the next of kin so no-one could help me. I asked that a nurse attend my parent with me so that my parent could tell them in person that it was okay to discuss their care with me.

I felt the nurse kept interrupting me saying that they would not let me read my parent's medical chart. I said if you would please let me finish my sentence I will be able to tell you that I do not want to read my parent's medical chart. I want to ask what treatment they have had and what medication they have been given, and that the information should be in their chart. The nurse then said I was raising my voice, which I believe I wasn't doing at all, and said that they would not answer me until I was calm. 

At no time did I raise my voice, however after about 15 minutes yes, I was very frustrated to continue to be stonewalled.

The nurse eventually came to my parent's bedside where my spouse was also present. I asked if they could now tell us the treatment and medication my parent had received. I recall the nurse then said I was being aggressive and my spouse spoke up at that point and said whaaat? Can you tell me what treatment and medication they have received? Then the nurse started calling them aggressive and my spouse was also taken aback. 

At that point my parent asked can you tell me what treatment and medication you have given me? And the nurse said you are all being very aggressive and I am not telling you anything while you are like this. 

I believe none of us were aggressive. I felt we did keep asking calmly what medication and treatment had been given.

The nurse left the room and we waited another few minutes before I called Sir Charles Gardiner Hospital switchboard asking for a doctor who could tell me. The switchboard operator took note of the ward, put me on hold, then came back to me and said they had spoken to the ward and that the clinical nurse would be with me when they were ready.

By this time we had waited 30 minutes to still not get an answer.

Eventually someone different came into the room and handed us a flyer to make a complaint. I said I do not want to make a complaint, we all just want to know what treatment and medication my parent has had. So the nurse said oh okay I need to read their chart. And left.

We waited another 10 minutes before this nurse came back, and said I cannot tell you anything because you are not the next of kin. My parent said yes they are and you can tell them. The nurse said we were not on the chart and my parent said yes I put them on the chart last time, but the nurse said it wasn't in the computer system and continued to say that they would not tell any of us what treatment and medication had been given.

We asked who they would tell. Because all we wanted to know was the answer. And a different nurse came in and said oh their guardian is the only person we can tell because they were deemed incapacitated.

So we called our sibling in law, the guardian, and they said that no-one had ever told them that our parent was incapacitated. They called the ward and was told that my parent had radiation treatment that morning and they also asked if they could sign anything so that it could be noted that we could be informed as well if we were there and asked. Then our sibling in law called us back and told us. 

The nurse came back and said that they would go and get a form, then we waited another 10 minutes and still no-one came back. We left anyway because our two children were with us and very upset by it all.

Our sibling in law called us about five minutes later to say they had called the ward again to find out why they had not been told our parent was mentally incapacitated. The nurse told them that my parent was not mentally incapacitated so that is why they had not been called. The nurse said that they were just being cautious because my parent may become mentally incapacitated.

This is the most frustrating experience any of us have ever had with the medical profession. We felt we were gaslit, lied to blatantly and I felt even our parent was seemingly completely disregarded by staff on the ward. At every step of the way all we wanted to know was what medication and treatment they had received, and to go so far as to say they were mentally incapacitated instead of telling us and apparently lying about it is completely astounding. 

How can a nurse seemingly have that much power? To apparently lie to the patient even? 

I would be very grateful if you could please liaise with the hospital and ask that their staff be trained to tell the truth. A whole hour was wasted, seemingly for nothing, and this is during an already distressing time for my parent and our family.