"Binbi Rehab Recovery Journey"

Close to a year and a half ago, my life was in complete and utter disarray. What was left of my friendships, were strands of semi-burnt bridges, and my relationships with my family and loved ones were non-existent. My employment prospects likewise, unable to keep down a job, as my addiction grew strong claws that kept me always within its reach; and not my own potential’s.

After doing rehab for poly drug use when I was 20 years old, spending 3 months and achieving a lot there, both on site with the responsibilities and lessons, and off site in the court room, going through the legal issues I had accrued with my use; I spent my 21st birthday with strangers and I thought that would be enough.

Fast forward a relapse and 6 years of use later, i found myself In a situation I only knew as Groundhog Day.

Except this time, I had just turned 26. I had been admitted to a psych ward for drug induced psychosis the year prior, and whilst I had made solid attempts at rekindling my life, with starting a new business and moving towns to old, childhood friends; it took all the sooner to destroy those friends and work opportunities too.

Pushing everyone and everything aside, that wasn’t my use, all the while actively trying and prying and gasping for connection. In hindsight, I probably should’ve realised that maybe the disconnect I felt was related.

I went in to Binbi with a mindset that was clouded in ignorance and denial. I thought all I needed was a detox, that I could take a breath for a week or two, and get back on with life- with a clear and present mind.

At first, I was nervous. Going through benzodiazepine addiction, it was hard to find resources and people who have both gone through the withdrawal process, and been able to maintain it on the other side. My fight or flight sensor was on the fritz; and my stomach tied knots of worry and confusion. 

“One step in front of the other, is the fastest way to climb any mountain, even Everest.” - I remembered hearing some years ago. So that is what I did.

Going into the detox unit, I was supported by an exceptional nursing team who made no discount of value in terms of my treatment there. I didn’t know it at the time, but this was going to be the start of some very fond memories that I’ll come to look back on, with so much nostalgia and warmth.

I got back into healthier habits; playing the guitar, learning cards, piano at one point too. I caught up on some TV series I loved, a decently comfy bed with air conditioning; it dawned on me that detox? Well it wasn’t SO bad. In fact, as much of a battle as it was, initially; I really grew into the discomfort of new surroundings and faces; for soon they’d become more of a family, than strangers.

With benzodiazepines being a little left field for most rehabs, I had to spend a bit longer in detox, coming in as their longest serving patient at a little over three weeks.

Over this period of time, I grew to call this ward my home. I was comfortable here; I didn’t need to hold a mask up, anymore.

Shy of a month, the big news came. I could finally step on down to the rehab. 

At first, I was in shock, Nervous. I didn’t want to leave! I had grown so used to this detox ward, the nurses, the walls, I’d spend time on the balcony during the day and night, looking over at the rehab in angst, but within that blinding gaze was a shimmer of hope. 

I said I’d stay for the 6 weeks, but I’d see how I’d go. 

“Maybe it won’t be SO bad, just like detox was?” I remember journaling.

The next few months would prove to be some of the most formative months I’d had in quite some years. I stepped on down with a few close friends I’d made in detox, asked to be put in the same villa with them. It made the transition that much easier!

Over time, with introductions left right and centre; I grew to meet and know a lot of truly unique characters and people. Each going through their own journey, with their own story and their own opinions.

Having such a wide range of perspectives, I was comforted in that Binbi sits on quite an open plan and breathable rural setting. The ability to have long walks by the trees, hit the gym equipment or sit under a covered bench with others; or in my case, get a haircut from a barber who’d cut some of your sporting idols hair, who’d found themselves in need of a little bit of help also.

There was never a shortage of opportunity here. It really just depends on what you make of it.

A rec room with more guitars, TV, ping pong table as well; I was able to get in tune with my child self again.

Classes day to day were informative and helpful, I made sure to write down everything I could,  even if it was my second time around.

Steering clear of any drama that wasn’t apart of my recovery was of paramount importance. I went along to the meditation nights, and would have great nights sharing war stories and the best laughs I’ve ever had with my once-house mates, now-close friends.

I’ll always cherish those memories and people, especially the ones no-longer here.

Recovery is serious business, and rehab works “if you work it” (and you’re worth it). Never forget it. 

14 months sober now, I have my friends back, my family, I’m constantly told how proud people are of me. I work out every day; eat and sleep good, and I’ve found employment.

THANK YOU BINBI! You saved me.

I’m finally LIVING.