In November 2023, I lost a baby girl at 20 weeks gestation. It was and will always be the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. The grief of losing my first baby is always with me and will impact me. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I am sharing my story because I want other women and families to be aware of the kind of experience they could expect at King Edward Memorial Hospital in the event of perinatal loss.
I will begin with the more positive aspects of this experience. My husband and I were blessed to have interactions with some health professionals who were very compassion, understanding and patient with us as we navigated the procedure of our baby's delivery. We appreciated the gentle and slow words of the staff and their acknowledgement of the immense emotional toll of what we were going through. We deeply thank those individuals for taking the time to show such care. It always made such a difference to us.
Unfortunately, our experience in delivering our precious baby was generally very unpleasant. Firstly, having to give birth to a stillborn baby in a general maternity hospital is very distressing because everywhere you look you are reminded that there are other mothers and families who are giving birth to healthy, living babies. There is no part of the hospital that is specifically for women and families who have lost their unborn babies. I used to cry walking to and from KEMH for appointments leading up to and following losing my baby. It was so humiliating to have to walk through the hospital seeing other women pregnant with healthy babies and families excitedly waiting to see babies when that was not our experience at the time. When I gave birth, I had to give birth on the general birthing ward where I could hear healthy babies crying and being born when I knew that wasn't going to be me. I have a lot of trauma associated with the hospital and birthing my unborn baby there amongst other women who were not experiencing what I was. To this day, I don't know how I will birth my current unborn baby in a delivery suite that looks the same as the one I had to birth my stillborn baby in. My hope is that one day, women who are experiencing perinatal loss will be cared for a specific facility built for them. One that is responsive and sensitive to the trauma and grief of losing and birthing a baby who has passed.
Another thing that was very difficult for my husband and I was that during our time at the hospital after the delivery of our stillborn baby, many health professionals failed to read our notes and wishes for our baby's funeral arrangements. We expressed that we wanted to bury our baby in a cemetery. However, multiple times it was assumed we were going to cremate her and I was even handed a cremation form to fill in without confirming that this was our desire. Having to reiterate this multiple times was very frustrating and hurtful for my husband and I.
I am not usually the type to share such feedback but the negative aspects of our experience was so prominent and influenced our grief significantly. We feel it is right to speak about our experience in the hope that other families do not have to go through the same thing. Perinatal loss is a common occurrence and a very, very difficult thing to go through and I feel there are simple things that can be done at a hospital level to support families in such incredibly difficult times. We want to be part of improving perinatal loss services and care in Western Australia by voicing our experience in the hope it will create change.
"Perinatal Loss"
About: King Edward Memorial Hospital / Maternity King Edward Memorial Hospital Maternity Subiaco 6008
Posted by victormp57 (as ),
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