"Rehabilitation at Logan House"

I ended up at Logan House several months ago after over a decade of alcoholism. I believe my story has a lot of commonalities to others' you hear in AA circles. I had a difficult, abusive and unhappy childhood. I grew into a depressed and socially anxious teenager. As a teen, when I started drinking, I thought I had discovered the golden ticket; something that both numbed me and made me an extrovert, allowed me to fit in. For the first time in my life, when I was drunk, I liked myself. I loved it.

By my 20's I was a daily drinker; a few years after that, at least, physically addicted, but I was a functioning drunk for the most part. It was an eventful decade, with some highs, and a lot of lows, being the primary carer for my very ill parent, and while my drinking kept escalating, and the drunken incidents causing mortifying shame and embarrassment along with it, to stop was unthinkable. I still held down a job, paid my mortgage, I felt my friends and family still supported me and ignored the elephant in the room; why would I give up my best friend, my saviour?

But alcoholism is not a stagnant disease, in my opinion, it doesn't rest on its laurels, it doesn't remain placid. By my 30's, my employer was aware of my drinking problem, my friends and family could no longer turn a blind eye, and my life started to fall apart.

My recovery journey began a few years ago, when my combustible life finally exploded in flames and I was involuntarily hospitalised following a suicide attempt. From there I went into outpatient detox, and under the care of an excellent doctor and Psychiatrist, I was able to remain sober for 11 months before I relapsed. My relapse was quick and severe, and I was soon not only drinking 3-4 bottles of wine again daily but this time abusing prescription medication. In six months I was hospitalised seven times, three times in the ICU and one on life support. I got a DUI. Finally, I broke down to my Drug and Alcohol Counsellor through Lives Lived Well Redcliffe, and they recommended inpatient treatment at Logan House. I was scared, ashamed, relieved, resigned. My employer approved 4 weeks leave to attend detox and rehab, and the next stage in my recovery began.

I loved Logan House almost instantly. From a life that had whittled down to enduring work and drinking alone in my bedroom almost exclusively, I found life again. I found a community of people who understood exactly what I was going through. I found counsellors who understood the nature of addiction, and my education into what a true lasting recovery requires began. I worked in the kitchen, and loved it, and found that I was capable again. That I could be happy sober, able to be productive. Four weeks went too quickly; I didn't want to leave. I swore I'd never drink again.

I believe the road to sobriety is not a straightforward one, however, and after a few months of returning to my old life, I found myself relapsing again. Within a few months, I was back to four bottles a day, back to life of a desk, a bed, and a toilet bowl. I got another DUI. After 17 years I finally lost my job. At rock bottom again, I called my D&A Counsellor and begged to go back to Logan House.

So back I went, earlier this year, and started again; continuing my education through the groups, finding my feet again in the safety of the community and the structure of Logan House. It's hard to describe the peace and safety I felt at Logan House, how much I gained from every day there even on those days I felt disconsolate.

I'm back on the outside now, over two months sober, and finally, wholeheartedly, confident in my recovery. My understanding of alcoholism and recovery is mind-blowing compared to the ignorance in which I embarked on sobriety over three years ago. I believe I've finally been able to make the big, scary, necessary changes to my life and future to reroute my course. For the first time in over a decade, I feel happy, strong, free. I feel excited about my future.

There aren't words to express the depths of my gratitude to Logan House; to my fellow residents, and to its staff, and especially to my counsellor, Janelle, who was my support and my lighthouse throughout this journey (I hate that word, but it fits, dammit). Her knowledge, empathy and enthusiasm are endless.

In short, Logan House saved my life, and I thank you.